[reflections of a son]

i miss my mum, badly.

i go through every single day, every moment, asking God why. and my answer would always be my tears. i wonder why.

my mum's a great woman, a strong woman for one. she never complains about making sacrifices and will always place herself before her sons.

as a son, i'm proud to have her as my mum. i might not know where i can get the courage to face what the future might hold. i don't even have any idea how i can see myself through this period.

everyday i wake up and realize that this, this very thing that is happening.

i still remember that very thursday when i took half day off, just so i could come back to see her off, yet she would say that it'd be too troublesome for me and her last words to me would be, "I understand your intentions and its very much appreciated but you don't need to see me off." Never knew that I'd not see her fly back.

I need God to tell me that He's near in the midst of all these that's happening. Honestly, its very hard to see God having a bigger plan for me but i know that faith is required.

I thank my youths who have been praying, my church friends who's been so supportive, church leaders that are always making sure i'm alright. as of now, i'm not alright. but i will be. i have to be.

She - Elvis Costello

ELVIS COSTELLO - SHE
She may be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
Maybe my treasure or the prize I have to pay
She may be the song that summer sings
Maybe the children autumn brings
Maybe a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She may be the beauty or the beast
Maybe the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a Heaven or a Hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
A smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell....

She, who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She maybe the love that cannot hope to last
May come to leap from shadows in the past
That I remember 'till the day I die

She maybe the reason I survive
The why and wherefore kind of life
The one I care for through the rough and ready years

Me, I'll take the laughter and your tears
And make them all my souvenirs
And when she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She....She
Oh, she....